September 21, 2015
Pondering the mantra, "From my roots, I surrender to the earth." Surrender is hard for me. I think for a long time I wasn't aware or able to face my competitive drive. I remember when a friend mentioned the personality test, Enneagram, and after I took it, I got varying types depending on the test. But when I took the test on the Enneagram Institute's site, I got the "individualist" and the "achiever." I don't think the test can fully encompass all that is me and definitely had some limitations; however, I do think I wasn't recognizing my achievement mentality. I don't want to surrender or admit I wasn't capable of something. I've expected perfection from myself and allowed that to permeate my relationships as well, expecting those around me to be perfect. I've learned how to not imbue my own conquest of self onto those around me, but I'm still having trouble with expectations for myself.
Ayurveda has helped me to understand my constitution and my natural proclivities. This illuminated those shadowy sides of myself so I could examine and magnify them. Tools like meditation, yoga and pranayama have helped me to carve out the mental space needed to heal.
I am performing the Pran Mudra or the life mudra. It activates the root chakra called Muladhara which is the chakra associated with the earth element. Pran Mudra reduces nervousness and increases assertiveness. It gives us the self-confidence and courage to start something new and the strength to see it through. This mudra is often used in conjunction with the mantra "so ham." We practice the "so ham" meditation and pranayama in the monthly satsang meditation group. Inhale to "so" and exhale to "ham." It translates to "that am I" or "I am that. that = the conscious spirit, all of creation. This mantra can also be inverted to "ham sa."