February 23, 2017
Reading wisdom in old journals and The Sun magazine. "When I remember all that I have to be grateful for, I forget why I was sad in the first place." This is from the journal they gave me at the Panchakarma I did this past July. I didn't write a ton in this journal but the few entries that are in there, are pretty enlightening.
During the 10 day Panchakarma I did a few weeks ago, I wrote daily in my gratitude journal and I've continued to do so since I've returned home. I've realized how important it is to give meanings and names to what we are feeling so that we don't feel like we are dealing with something no one else ever has. There's also something very empowering about naming these feelings. It takes their power away and reminds us that everyone feels this way from time to time and that this too shall pass.
I had an incredible talk with my bestie. She always gives me great insights and new perspectives to ponder. I discussed how I'd been feeling since Panchakarma and one of the big things I've noticed is how clear and calm my mind is. For much of my life, I've felt very impulsive, reckless at times, and very swayed by emotions. I'd start to feel something, it would consume me and then I'd be reacting impulsively. I notice now that when fear arises, I see the fear like I can step back from it so it's not in me but outside just enough to see it from a distance. This has given me the space to name the fear, see what factors contributed to it, and then disempower the fear by recognizing where it's coming from. This has been such a welcomed outcome from my Panchakarma experience. It feels like I'm really growing and evolving.
I'm just so immensely grateful for Ayurveda and Panchakarma. But I'm also proud of myself. I've evolved so much over these last two years and I'm sometimes in awe of how many ways I've changed and improved myself and my life. Ayurveda is the map, but I am the captain and nothing would change, would evolve or would grow if it weren't for the will of the captain. I feel so strong and powerful and more capable than I've ever been to stretch and move and walk in the world.